Snippets 169. In 1903 a book of useful household advice was published in Australia, How to Make and Save Money. There is a lot of interesting information in there (and a lot that is frankly alarming) and we have looked at some of that in some previous snippets, but towards the end of the book there is also some advice on etiquette for the Australian gentleman.
In making an introduction, the gentleman should be introduced to the lady, not the lady to the gentleman.
If both are of the same sex, present the inferior in social position to the superior.
Permission must always be obtained before a gentlemen is presented to a lady.
On gentlemen being introduced to each other, they usually acknowledge by a bow, not by offering the hand.
Any one meeting at the house of a mutual friend and not introduced, should not claim acquaintance if they meet elsewhere.
When out walking with a friend, if you meet or are joined by a third party, it is not necessary to introduce one to the other.
Letters of introduction should be sent by post, enclosing your own card, and not by personal delivery. This is, however, not always convenient.
If anxious to honour the person introduced, invite him to dinner and have some friends to meet him.
Morning calls are usually made between the hours of two and four.
When returning purely complimentary calls, you may leave your card without going in.
All visits of congratulation or condolence should be paid within a few days of the event that occasions them.
On making morning calls, a gentleman should not leave his hat in the hall, but take in into the room with him, holding it in his hand during his brief stay. Leave your umbrella in the hall.
When a lady visitor leaves the drawing-room it is polite to rise.
It is bad form to look at your watch during a visit.
In conversation avoid political and religious subjects, and never interrupt another person while speaking. Do not converse in a language that any in the company does not understand. Avoid whispering as it is bad taste.
When speaking with persons of rank, avoid the too frequent use of their titles; address a nobleman as you would any other gentleman. The Prince of Wales is only addressed as “Sir” in conversation; the Queen as “Madam.”
It is customary to write letters of invitation and acceptance in the third person. Invitations are now usually issued in the name of the lady of the house. Letters to strangers should commence with “Sir” or “Madam,” and at the close, on the left hand corner of the page, write the name of the individual addressed.
At evening parties, put on your gloves before entering the room, pay your respects to the lady of the house on entering, and do not remain to the close, unless you are on very familiar terms of friendship with the hostess.
Except in a case of necessity, never stop a business man in the street. If you must speak with him, walk on in his direction, state your business briefly, apologising for the detention.
In walking with a gentleman, your superior in age or station, give them the place of honour by taking yourself the outer side of the pavement. In walking with a lady, always take the outer side of the pavement.
“It is in good manners and not in good dress, that the truest gentility lies.”— Dr. Watts.
A lot of that is reasonably familiar, but the following seems somewhat unusual:
Telegraph of Love. — If a gentleman wants a wife, he wears a ring on the first finger of the left hand; if he be engaged, he wears it on the second finger; if married, on the third; and on the fourth if he never intends to be married. When a lady is not engaged, she wears a hoop or diamond on her first finger; if engaged, on the second; if married, on the third; and on the fourth if she intends to die unmarried. When a gentleman presents a fan, flower, or trinket to a lady with the left hand, this, on his part, is an overture of regard. Should she receive it with the left hand, it is considered as an acceptance of his esteem; but if with the right hand, it is a refusal of the offer. Thus by a few simple tokens explained by rule, the passion of love is expressed; and through the medium of the telegraph, the most timid and diffident men may, without difficulty, communicate his sentiments of regard to a lady, and, in case his offer should be refused, avoid experiencing the mortification of an explicit refusal.
Presumably “third finger”, for example, does not count the thumb on the hand, so that would make sense in terms of the traditional ring finger. The meanings of the other fingers are less familiar. I am not aware of Australia have different traditions in that respect, but if any readers can offer any insight into this, please make use of the comments section.
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